TOO YOUNG TO DIE

I don't know Beloved Sister Ernestine, but 51? IS TOO DAMNED EARLY TO BE DEAD!!!!


And dying this young is happening to toooooooo many of Us. That's why, I'M BEING BLUNTLY HONEST ABOUT ME in this post, not trying to insult anyone, but?


IF THIS IS HOW YOU FEEL, TOO? THEN KNOW YOU ARE AND WILL BE WHOMEVER YOU WANT TO BE - IF YOU WANT TO BE THAT, EACH DAY YOU AWAKEN.


I share so PASSIONATELY the wonderous Healing of DOING BETTER not because I am some lifelong Health  Guru, who never knew a day where he/she was never crippled by food and rotten Addictions. I share so P-A-S-S-I-O-N-A-T-E-L-Y because I used to be


a fat tub of lard, who firmly believed, I'd be that forever since I figured I didn't have the strength to do anything to save myself.


Now. Some don't mind being really big, and some LOVE IT. Matter of a fact, I was getting to that point myself, until debilitation from eating DEAD FOOD caught up with me, in more than my getting the Flu kind of afflictions. I had eaten my way to a Pre-Diabetic state (which was ENUF for me), along with steadily increasing Blood Pressure. FAR MORE DANGEROUS a state than I wanted to put myself in, I don't CARE if  I Loved or DIDN'T LOVE being


a fat tub of lard.


Cause it's not the weight that's Ugly. Jill Scott can HANDILY prove THAT! I ain't never been as BEAUTIFUL as her to this Tiny Me DAY, nor as Hypnotically GORGEOUS as THOUSANDS of others. But? It's the Rotten Food and Fatal Habits that make anyone's inside Homely, both


skinny and obese.


So, I share paaaaaaassionately because I find each time I rise, I kill the Certainty that I was doomed to be an Overweight Woman, and more importantly, that I was doomed to DIE, early. I've found I no longer have to pretend that what I eat has no long term effect on me, hoping that one fatal day would never come when that pretense would be torn away by a doctor's grim diagnosis.


And I did it by, not all at once but each morning. I challenged not the sum of a lifetime of gaining weight, as that wasn't going anywhere Fast. No. I challenge what was really killing me -


A FAT TUB OF LIES I told myself.


Lies that tell me I'm HELPLESS over my cravings when healthier food, as I kept eating it, finally gave my body the nutrition that it cried for in the cravings I felt. Lies that told me a cookie is stronger than me, when I had to use the same, "That's enough," discipline on myself that I did on my son. Lies that fibbed to me that a cigarette, a soda, a slice of pizza is more powerful than my will to live and to live


well.


I did this each day. A little bit more steadily, woke up and said, in this little way, I'm gonna prove that I GIVE A DAMN. So years later, I am the Woman I only dreamed of being, was sure would never exist, and whom I never knew that I was DESTINED to be. The ME I CHOOSE.


And now, my son has gotten to see right in his own home, 


a Triumphant Mommy.


Fat or Skinny, I buried the lies, rather than a too young him burying a too young me. Tub of Lard or Skinny as a Rail. I'd have been Dead as a Doorknob. And? There's some pretty beautiful doorknobs out there. But I'm not one of them.